Progressively Sweeter Joy

One detail of Jim Elliot's life that has been striking to me is his total devotion, out of love, for God. I've been reminded time and time again this past week, through the reading and also from conversations I have with friends, that Christ is a personal Savior who shares in our emotions and understands our thoughts. Somehow, perhaps because of my upbringing or my inadequate response to Him, I often view God only as Lord, to be obeyed because it is good for me. Although that isn't necessarily wrong, it's very dogmatic and ponderous, and causes me to miss the finer details: of God's love for me and the people around me, of the joy that envelops every person who rests in Him.

I was especially struck by, on page 53, of Jim's realization that: "These past weeks have been of such progressive joy that I can say nightly of my Savior's goodness, 'it's sweeter today than yesterday'. I'm not the most joyous person to begin with, and I have a major history of bitterness over a lot of things, but God reigns over everything and every aspect of my life, and he is bigger than those things. Strangely enough, these past two weeks have been sprinkled with numerous joyful moments, and I think God is teaching me how to be joyful in his presence.

In contrast to this, God is teaching me that walking with him is also about discipline. Jim's dedication to strip the unnecessary from his life is completely evident on page 59, where Elisabeth mentions that Jim had a "determination to eliminate the nonessentials from his schedule", and also later when he was noted to be considered antisocial because he'd memorize Scripture instead of chatting with people. I grew up very hungry for friendships and a social life, so this deliberate distance from the social atmosphere (especially in a college environment) was especially striking for me, and a little convicting as well. I'm being challenged by God to, for lack of a better description, experience Him more through Scripture, prayer, and worship, which I can't do before letting go of my instinctive desire for social contact.

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The reading is somewhat difficult for me because of my vision issues, but I think my reading is better than what it was 3 weeks ago. I still can't maintain concentration for over an hour, and I doubt I'll be able to finish part 4 by the 22nd like it says on the schedule, but I'll try.